“It feels good to be home baby/Feels good to be hoooome…” - KanYe West

What the fuck is good. I’ve been busier than a three-fingered man in a “Cut Rey’s Hair” contest — luckily my Alumnah brethren (and sister-in-Christ) have held this bitch down. Yessirr — in the past couple months I’ve applied for school, relocated twice, and as of yesterday, quit my job of 4 years.

Complacency is not Hip-Hop.

Anyway, some things I’ve learned while roaming this wonderful world of anonymous ramblings:

1. The “Greater Than” Game

Example: “Andre 3000 > Lonnie the Mystical Homo”

I had to throw this one out there because of it’s sudden rise in popularity. Mainly used for “my favorite artist is better than your favorite artist” arguments, and depending on the commenter’s skill level, usually rhyming (mine never do). Can spiral out of control if not used carefully.

2. You Can’t Always Agree

There is one thing I’ll never understand about the internet: if you disagree with someone, you’re an idiot. But — if you agree with someone, you’re labeled a “co-signer”. God forbid you’re talking to a bunch of people who you feel have the same level of intelligence as you, or who are trying to get the same point across. Granted there are those who agree with every single thing someone says to fit in, but then there are (guess what??) those that just agree because they feel the same way.

3. Sexy > Sex**

Thanks to my EST homie Crazy88’s random T & A posts, I’ve developed a thing for…..random T & A posts. Rather than hit up youporn.com like a normal person, I wanna see “TastyDiamond69″ ((c) Little Brother) give me a striptease in her “Santa’s Little Helper” suit.

Yes Lawd.

4. Stannism = Incurable

Yes folks, stannism is a serious condition, but for only $.49 a day, you can help a fellow Jay Z, Nas, G-Unit, Joe Budden, or Loaded Lux (WHO?) Stan receive the care and treatment they need. Help keep the fight against Stannism going.

5. Everyone is a Pimp

And some of them even have hoes too. In fact — a lot of them even have so many bitches they don’t even have to leave their computer….ever. And let’s not forget the two Benzos, the big crib in California, and the talk show appearances.***

6. *….*

This right here? This shit right here?? This is my shit, ninja. The art…of…the asterisk. These are mainly used to display one’s “actions”, as seen below:

*debates*

*argues*

*gets angry*

*retires*

See? That shit is fun. However — if you’re not blessed with any creative talent, then I recommend slim usage (nun).

Which brings me to:

7. The Disclaimer

This shit is big (no homo) on the internet. Used when making what could be considered as a “homosexual” comment and/or making a joke about Rey’s head (nh). Especially if said joke contains the words “huge” (nun), “large” (nope), and/or “Watermelon-shaped” (ayo?). Has been known to reach extreme measures (as shown here by BKScribe — nun, priest, tabbanackle) as well.

The best part is trying to hold back an “ayoo” after you overhear your co-worker telling the boss that “He’ll get right on top of that.”

You get the idea.

8. Everyone Thinks They Are Funny

If there is one thing I’ve ever been e-guilty of, its been trying to force a joke whenever necessary (but I’m usually on target). There are those, however, that seem to think that an 8th grade-level “sense” of humor is always good for a laugh. Always.

Examples include but are definitely not limited to:

Commenter 1: “Nigga get off my dick you…you…you homo. Jay-Z is that nigga. He do look like a Camel though. That’s why you wanna be his boyfriend.”

*crickets*

Commenter 2: “I fucked this bitch in her ass once. She had the temerity and chutzpah of a wild cheetah. I went in.”

*waits for “LOL”*

Now — to each his own (like my fellow blogger friend IFux who I’ve learned to tolerate appreciate), but some of ya’ll have to know where to draw the gattdamn line. I know its the internet and some people do things out of a need for that special attention they don’t get in real life, but dammit — you’re fuckin’ up the church’s money.

9. Fitting In > Standing Out

The saddest part about this is that everyone is anonymous, yet they still feel the need to conform to what everyone else is doing/saying/believing in. Yeah I like Hip-Hop, bitches, and miscellaneous shit of that nature, but I also like Jazz, Rock, R & B, lattes, comic books and the movies that follow, long walks on the beach, and singing in the rain.

With that being said, if there’s only one dimension to your personality (and I’m not talking about the one you decide to show), then you’re all SHEEP (c) Can’t Hardly Wait

10. I’m Not A Blogger

…so don’t expect new music 5 minutes before everyone else gets it, or whatever everyone else is writing about. We do what we do. Whether its a skit, a Top Ten list, or a post about a fuckin’ LLAMA. We have our own lane kids.

To everyone that supports Alumnah on the daily — I see ya’ll, and we appreciate the love.

No homo.

~Fin~