I hate Beyonce**.

Yup — can’t stand the bitch. Never realized why until recently, either. At first I thought it was because of the whole “hoe sit down” thing (she did a damn country remix of “Irreplaceable”…I mean damn), or maybe even her singing, but it was neither…the one thing that pisses me off about Beyonce every time I see her is…

Perfection.

Not the real kind (which we all know doesn’t exist), but more something more along the lines of “manufactured” perfection (c) Barbie. Looks, personality, the whole 9 10. I swear Daddy Knowles must’ve groomed her for the Miss Texas pageant before he found out she could sing and dance. There’s just something about her that screams “alien” to me — because I’m tellin’ you — ain’t NO other chick on Earth that acts like her ALL THE TIME — it just doesn’t happen. It’s definitely gives us hope, but in reality….no dice.

As far as looks go — she’s so gattdamn beautiful, it pains me to look at her. Don’t understand? me neither. I’m not sayin’ I want a bullet-wound broad or anything like that, but she looks so damn dolled-up that it would seem wrong to even unhook her bra — so I know Jay ain’t gettin’ none.

Picture this — Beyonce drops those lace panties only to reveal a USB port in place of her oochie-wally.

*Camel confusion*

That’s fuckin’ annoying. Bitch have a flaw. One ta-ta (just a little) bigger than the other?? All good. Second toe a little longer than your “big toe”?? Not a problem. Weird sense of humor?? I can even deal with that. But being (a female) human is sexy.

Just thought I’d share.

**Bey — if you happen to read this…you know I’d still hit. I even thought that whole falling down the stairs incident was pretty damn sexy.

I sent you a message on MySpace…hit me back.