(We join Barak and Michelle Obama, fresh off his victory in Iowa, on the way to New Hampshire via private jet)

Michelle (with martini in hand, on cell phone w/ Oprah): “I’m sayin’….did you see the look on people’s faces when that bitch came in third? She ain’t want it…”

Barak (looking @ watch): “Baby, baby…..Chill. There’s still a long way to go before November.”

Michelle (jumping up): “Fuck that Ol’ penis-havin’, my-daughter-Chelsea-looks-older-than-me-lookin’ ass bitch!!”

(Oprah laughs)

Barak: “Baby I don’t think that’s necess-”

Michelle (in between sips): “Bitch thought she could use her husband & shit. My baby daddy CLOWNED that trick!”

(Barak sighs, walks to back of plane, and sits next to his head of security — Katt Williams, who’s watching CNN)

Barak (daps Katt): “Yo, watchin’ the news?”

Katt: “Yea. They talkin’ about you.”

(CNN Reporter: “…among Democrats, Obama took 57 percent of the under-30 vote, according to CNN’s analysis of entrance polls. Speaking to supporters, Obama called the night a “defining moment in history.”)

Barak (smiling): “Well thats great…we’re right on target.”

Katt (looking out of passenger window): “But you know what this means, don’t you?”

Barak: “That we really do have a chance?”

Katt: “No, nigga…they gunnin’ for you.”

Barak (laughs it off): “What do you mean? We’re fine. People want change.”

Katt: “Nigga I’m tellin’ you…(points around jet @ security detail)…this shit right here? This right here, nigga?? This ain’t enough. White man ain’t finna go down like that, nigga. You need more people.”

Barak (looking around): “You think?”

Katt (looks over @ two black security guards): “Yesss. Ain’t nobody scared of Lil’ Bow Wow & Omarion over there, nigga. We need some people who know all about riskin’ their own lives to protect someone just because they get to fly around in jets & shit. Somebody too stupid to realize that the person they rollin’ with really don’t give a damn about them. Some REAL muscle.

Barak (looking worried): “Well, I don’t know if we -”

Katt (high-pitched, slowly) “Nigga it ain’t about what you “don’t know”. Nigga like you could be on the way to the primary in New Hampshire and BAMMM!!! Tupac.”

Barak: “Tupac??”

Katt: “Tupac.”

Barak: “Well what can we do? We’re almost there.”

Katt: “Tell the pilot we need to make an “emergency stop” in New York. I know a guy.”

____________________________________________

(We cut to New York City, where the 3rd Annual Weedcarrier’s BBQ is being held in Brooklyn @ an elementary school gymnasium, hosted by last year’s “You Ain’t Gotta Do Shit Ever Again” award winner Memphis Bleek, and the “LLAMA award for Achievement in Everything But Rap”, Flava Flav — both on stage)

Bleek (w/ microphone): “Yo whaddup everybody? Welcome to the 3rd Annual Weedcarrier’s BBQ — where we give recognition to those that the average person doesn’t recognize….literally. What’s good Flav?”

Flava Flav: “YEEEAAAAHHH BOOOYYYYY!!!”

(crowd applauds)

Bleek: “Word. Aight ya’ll — make sure you try the potato salad.”

(They walk off stage. Barak, Michelle, and Katt enter the gym, DJ starts to spin)

Michelle (drunk): “Ooooooh!! Niggas!!”

(Michelle runs off)

Barak: “Baby wait –”

Katt: “Let her go, nigga. We got business to take care of.”

(Katt leads Barak through the crowd of weedcarriers, dappin’ weedcarrier All-Stars like Spliff Star and Tony Yayo, and meets Bleek @ the bottom of the stage)

Bleek (eating a chicken leg): “I got your message — how many peeps you need?”

Katt: “About 20.”

Barak: “20? I dunno Katt — its really not in the budget.”

Bleek (in between bites): “Nigga listen — the average weedcarrier only needs a bottle of champagne, an 8th of that chronic, and something bright and shiny to distract ‘em — it don’t even have to be a necklace. Shit — it ain’t even gotta be diamonds…”

Barak: “Really? They don’t want to be paid?”

Katt: “That IS their payment, nigga. They get to be fly for a while….and you get to stay alive. You need their exceptional weedcarrying talent. There is an appearance of strength in numbers.”

Barak: “But thats…thats just….stupid.”

Katt/Bleek (in unison): “Exaaaaactly.”

(Barak looks over @ Michelle, who is on the dance floor in between Murphy Lee and that nigga with the mask from the St. Lunatics)

Barak: “I just don’t think this will be such a good idea guys. I’ll be fine.”

Katt (getting upset): “NIGGA DO YOU WANT TO LIVE?!? We need you fam! You will be the FIRST President of color besides Bill Clinton…and you know Hilary ain’t lettin’ him do shit if she wins!! Now I am the head of the gattdamn security — and I say we need all the help we can get. These crackas ain’t playin’ fair.”

Bleek: “Man….this shit is deep. I would call Jay for help, but he told me not to call him until my next album, “The Realest Thang on the Streets” is ready**.”

*music stops*

*everyone looks @ Bleek*

Bleek: “I’m…..I’m just sayin’…I’m…..I mean — I’m only one hit away niggas!!! (laughing, reaching out for daps) Yeaahh!!!”

*collective blank stare*

*Flavor Flav shakes his head in disgust*

Bleek (pulling out a wad of cash, jumping back on stage, sighing): “Keep the party goin’.”

*makes it rain*

Katt (turning towards Barak): “So — Mr. President….what you wanna do?”

(Barak looks over @ his wife, who’s front row below the stage, catching $100 bills and putting them in her bra)

Barak (shaking his head): “Well if its our best option….”

____________________________________________

(20 minutes late - the Obamas, Katt, and 25 of the best weedcarriers this side of the Mississippi are on the plane headed to New Hampshire)

Yayo (stands next to Obama): “Aight listen up — we got a job to do niggas. This man right here is finna be the next President of the World, yo.”

(group applauds)

Murphy Lee: “Real talk — this nigga is the truth….and he takin’ us to Jacob’s to get some watches.”

(group cheers)

Barak (looks @ Katt): “I am?’

Katt (whispers): “Yeah…well…Jacob Jefferson — my cousin. He sell jewelry on MLK.”

Barak: “Which MLK?”

Katt: “All of ‘em.”

Flavor Flav (jumping up on seat): “YYEEEEEAAAH BOOOYYYY!!”

(group cheers as plane flies toward New Hampshire)

To Be Continued….

**Look for Bleek’s first single, “Kill Me A Deceased Nigga Dead (feat. Chris Martin)”, first quarter 2008.